I like to think we’re doing an above average job as parents when it comes to sibling rivalry. But to be totally honest when I found out Jack was a boy (in front of alllll my friends nonetheless) I vividly remember thinking WHAT WILL I DO IF THEY FIGHT. Like fist fight fight. I grew up with one older brother + 3 younger sisters. Grateful to say we never saw a fist fight in our time.
My siblings are my best friends. They always have been! We went to all games, cleaned my dad’s office every weekend + didn’t have playdates after school. I mean we did as we got older, but when you have 4 siblings you pretty much have built in playdates!
A few ways we are trying to nip competitiveness in the boys already:
- NO CHORE CHART! I’m not saying this is a golden solution, but it has helped cultivate a more teamwork environment in our home! This is the one we use + we earn stars as a family every single day!
- Combined screen time. I’ll save fortnite for another day, but long story short – if they are on screens the clock starts for both of them equally! (Jack doesn’t quite understand or argue so he just goes along with it all at this point)
- WRITING NOTES: Jonah (he’s going to be 8 this Sep) is suuuuper into this. We took things to the next level when I dusted off my “pull here” square note folding skills last weekend. We have a notebook that we write back + forth with.
- One on One dates: seems like it could go the other way for the kids who aren’t on the date? WELLLL! There’s a kicker. The lucky kiddo who is on the date with Mom or Dad, thinks about the other siblings. I usually like to ask something that each of the brother’s have done that week that made them laugh. Together (their lead) we pick out a treat for the other siblings back home. Doesn’t have to be anything huge by any means, it just helps the others back home feel valued in an otherwise “jealous” situation. My friend Suzie told me about this + it’s made a difference.
- LISTEN: to all sides of the story. Arguments are heightened when we all need sleep, but I’ve always tried hard to listen with my full attention when we are trying to problem solve by getting down on their “eye level” + repeating what they say (even if I don’t agree) afterwards. STOP being the referee. It’s hard at first but this is vital in their development + problem/resolution communication skill building.
We loooove boards games! Rigg is super good, we honestly cannot beat him at TROUBLE. Bre tried this last weekend + also failed. It’s a crazy gift I think? I dunno but I’ve never met a child prodigy like him.
These are ways I let the boys know I love them without words:
Eye Level
Highs + Lows about each boy at dinner
Invite them to play with me
Read to them at breakfast
No phones at dinner table
Send a note/joke in Jonah’s lunchbox every day
Secret handshakes
Look them in the eye when they are talking
Rigg loves to cook so I ask him for help
Jonah loves to play basketball, challenge him to one v one
Jack loves to snuggle + choose the songs on Spotify, we do both
Jon gets a rushed welcome home (from all of us) NO MATTER WHAT every day after work
We race to get seatbelts on + if the car goes into drive + someone forgets they owe the rest $1
Now just praying it sticks + I won’t live to see the day of a fist fight. I’d love to hear your thoughts on sibling rivalry, always adding ideas to my list!
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